Dear Parents, Thank You For Not Always There
Dear parents,
thank you for not always there for me
Nobody's perfect. Everyone have flaws somehow. And more often those flaws show in our children. I inherit my mom and dad's flaws, but it is okay.
If I have the choice to be born again, I will not choose another parent. It is because they - as I am -are perfectly imperfect.
I always grow up thinking that my parent should care more about me. They give me so much freedom and weigh me down with responsibilities. My choice, of course, is not always wise. And there were times- there still times -when I became irresponsible. But I know I am still growing, I still had a lot of things to learn until I grow old and die.
My parent almost never prohibits me from doing things and joining activities. They never ask me about my grades, they give me freedom to choose where I should study next, what major I should take.
They never defend me when I had a quarrel with my peers, they never defend me when I got scolded by their parents or anyone. They never defend me when I go home black and blue and crying. There were times I am miffed for their attitude, mistaken them for ignorance about my life. But it is not.
The bad side, I grow up hiding too many secrets and bottling up my problems alone. I have too much pride to ask help for things I couldn't handle, even to God haha. And of course, too stubborn for my own goodness.
But now, I want to thank my parent for not always there for me. When I feel sad, when I got hurt or when I feel alone. Because then, though it is painful, I learn to be strong. I learn there are times I should punish myself for my own mistakes (because my parents almost never did). And I also learn to stand up for myself when people push me around and judge me. Not an easy journey though.
I understand why it seems they gave me freedom and gave me chance to experience too many mistakes. I should learn how to make a decision, learn to bear the consequence, and responsible for it. I learn to live trough difficult times, to open myself for vulnerabilities and embrace them instead of despising them.
I learn how to trust the wrong person, love the wrong person, bear the pain of hoping for another person, the bitterness of betrayal, and get up. I learn that not everyone deserves my loyalty, and some people deserve a kick in the shin (not in the ass because they're already are -an ass that's it). In the other hand, I also learn to forgive people who never ask for forgiveness. Because it is a way to make peace with my own soul.
21 years growing up as my parent's first daughter, I finally could appreciate my their parenting style. Because they both are the first child in their families. And they had live trough pressures, expectations, mistakes and decide it is the best way for me to grow up.
I am truly fully grateful they did not raise me to be a princess. And I would never want to be one. I am the daughter of two warriors. So pray for me, I I would be a very good one too.
And maybe someday I could look in the mirror and see not only a warrior but also a queen. The warrior queen, sounds cool, isn't it?
But it's a long way to go. I need to pull myself back together and finish what I have to finish. Striving every morning so I could sleep a peaceful sleep in the night. Fix my own stupidity, and stop being a crybaby. haha. I had great parents, now I can't bear the shame of being a loser. >:)
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